Thursday, July 19, 2007

Sunday July 22: Addendum to: Time for a New Post

I've been "schmoozed"... [thank you Sylvia!]

Sunday, July 22, and the team i was rooting for, The Argentinians, won the U-20 FEFA Gold, hurrah!! ....

...and then more good news! hieresschild has kindly bestowed an award on my Blog! What a lovely surprise. Check out her blog [i don't know how to add a link within the text here, so just go to comments and click on her comment there, ok?] where she has a good definition of "to schmooze".

So now i have to nominate 5 people to pass this award on to. My first thought was Capt. Picard's Journal, but i think he already has recieved that award. This is not going to be easy, to limit it to 5, as there are so many good Blogs around.

The criteria for my choices is based on content that i find interesting, ones that have a variety of topics, as well as lots of photos, and ones that have up to 10 (or more) commentors. So here they are:

**They Call him James
**Smalltown RN

and i had to add
**alan (for those who remember his fabulous Saturday's Recipes - you have to agree that those were the BEST!)

So, check out their sites by clicking on the links listed over there at the right, above the photograph of Maddie.

There are actually a few more that i would like to add, but perhaps i could invent my own Award. So until then, there you have it

I'm feeling pressured to put up a new Post. Isn't that odd?

The trouble is is that i'm "in a mood"-- and i have too much to do and i don't know where to begin. I'm kind of "down" today, and i'm not sure why. Last night i went to the Landmark Forum with my daughter.

I told her that i had absolutely no intention of sighing up. I had given her something to read that i had found on the internet. It was a critique of the Landmark Education Corporation and my daughter told me the person who wrote it did not know what he was talking about. We argued on most of the skytrain trip into downtown Vancouver, and i said, "I think i should just get off the train and go home, i don't feel like argueing about this". She said: "i'm not argueing" (psssthtst, could have fooled ME!). I told her that i might consider joining in about a year's time, once i saw that it had made a material difference on her life. She got really mad when i said that. I can't even remember what she said, but she had an answer for ever doubt i had, and no matter how illogical her answers sounded i was unable to have an intelligent discussion with her.

Anyway, by the time we got off the train and found a "starbucks" (i must be addicted to THAT brand!) i felt a bit better. She declined my offer to buy her a beverage, so i am not sure if she was just being considerate of my financial impoverishment, or if she was cross with me...oh well, whatEVER...

[I had no idea i was going to post about this....but now i'm on a roll, i guess this will be my new post]

There were not a lot of new people at the Landmark Office, and it seemed that most of them had done the courses. I was surprised at the lack of "special" name tags which i noticed at the last presentation i had attended. There were also about 16 people sitting at tables where registration would take place.

My daughter wanted to go to this presentation because she had heard wonderful things about the speaker.

I braced myself, expecting to be bombarded by shouting, "invitations" to sign up, repetition of "I get it", and the crowd responding to the speakers' promps. I was disappointed and pleased at the same time.

The meeting was called to order at about 7:15 (we had rushed to get there by the start date of 7:00) and although my back was terribly sore, and i was stiff all over from the very uncomfortable chair, i found the speaker entertaining and pleasant to listen to. The funny thing is if he had been the first speaker i heard at the Landmark Forums i might have been persuaded to join.

The speaker talked for about 10 minutes, briefly outling the program, and then said, "Well, there's not much more to tell you, so you can either sign up now and then go and see a movie, or go out for a beer, or we can waste more time talking about it" (something to that effect).

I was alarmed however, when he said that Landmark "Education" is working on getting the program into the schools. (oh well, buyer beware i guess).

Another half hour dragged by, and no one made any move to sign up, so he repeated the above statement. He said you have a choice, using the analogy of renting a vidio movie, if you don't like the movie you can press the OFF button and do something else instead. I turned to my daughter and said: "I'm bored, and i am not going to sign up, so i think i will go home, are you going to come with me?" She gave me a surprised look and said: "Do you want to ride the skytrain by yourself?"

I knew she did not want me to leave, and i did not really want to leave her by herself as i sensed she might be embarrassed if i got up an left, so i stayed. It was not really a huge sacrifice and i did not have anything else interesting to do so i stayed.

At one point the woman sitting next to us jumped up at yelled out "NOW", quite out of context to what the speaker had just said. I kind of chuckled to myself, hoping that my daughter would notice this.

(At her "graduations" from the Forum and the Advanced Course the Leaders had littered their presentations with questions like: "And when do we want to do ______[insert action]", and the graduates would chorus: "NOW!" Then a few minutes later he would "invite" the guests to register for The Forum, or the Advanced Course, he would look around the room to see if anyone was getting ready to stand up, and if there was movement he would stop speaking and point to the back of the room where "volunteers" were waiting to sign up new participants).

Towards the end of the evening, (the session was scheduled to run from 7:00 pm. to 10:00 pm), after it became evident that no one was ready to sign up, the speaker asked for testimonials from the "graduates". They were eloquent and somewhat inspiring, and i felt happy that Landmark had made such an apparent difference in their lives.

Then it was time for us to "share" a "possibility" (just for the sake of exercise) with the person we came with. This is when the "bait" is presented, and more often or not when one might take the hook. My daughter shared some vague thing that i can't even remember, and then it was my turn. I think i shocked her when i told her that i felt that my mom's death is imminent and i started to tear up. She asked me some questions and i blabbered some non-sence about feeling that i would die when she died (i don't know if i really believe this, but of course on some level i will die, in spirit maybe, as we are connected genetically, so part of me WILL die with her - just came to this as i type this). But i really did not want to consider that room full of strangers as "family", and i was really uncomfortable being in this vulneral space, and i struggled to pull myself together, all the while thinking: "i am not going to enroll, i am not going to get sucked in, i do not want to take the Landmark Forum"...

The funny thing is though, as i told her later, if last night's speaker had been the first speaker i had heard at Landmark i might have given serious consideration to joining, but the first two "educators" had been so aggressive and presented such a hard sell that my suspicious were aroused, and my resistance so strong that i am not sure anything will break it down.

At 9:30 it became evident that no one was going to jump up from their seats and sign up, so the speaker called the meeting to an end, and we left, without saying goodbye to anyone. As we walked back to the skytrain I sensed a real air of dejection around her but when i said: "You appear dispondent", she asked, "How do you come to that conclusion?". I replied: "Your body language", so then she went into a dissitation about body-language and how it can mean different things, and she quoted something from the Forum about men in the army who stand at attention with their arms folded because it is comfortable to stand that way. (I did not point out to her that it seemed incongruent that the army would support anything that would bring comfort when soldiers are "at attention" because i realized this was a pre-programmed defence she had been "taught" by this highly monetarily successful Incorporated Company that provides "education".)

We walked on in silence for a little while. She said she was hungry so i suggested that we walk up to Robson Street and see what we could find to eat. The streets were littered with all sorts of interesting people, and the glum mood lifted somewhat as we discussed where we should get a coffee.

On the ride home she assured me that she was very comfortable with her decision not to sign up for the July course (she has something else planned), or the August course (again, she has reservations for something else then and she is not going to cancel) and that there is no date for a November course so she has not put any money down. (so far she has spent $750.00 Cdn., her dad paid the $500.00 for the first course, and loaned her $250 for the Advanced course), and i felt relieved that she had not "invested" any more money until she has had time to absorb what she has learned up to now.

As we got closer to her place i said that i had made a list of things for myself to accomplish today, and perhaps she could phone me and check up to see if i had done them. She agreed and said she liked the idea of us being accountable to each other, and that it would help us get things accomplished.

When i dropped her off she was subdued, and i asked her if she was disappointed that i had not signed up. She said "not really, i know you don't have the money", but i felt very sad, as though i had let her down. I could not sleep so i stayed up until four this morning watching a movie. ("Strangers in Good Company" - it was quite good).

At 11:00 a.m. this morning i tried to phone her but she did not answer, so she is either asleep, in the shower, out, or not answering. I AM concerned that the "high" that she was on after her Advanced Course will not last (i am already seeing signs of this), and that she is in danger of "crashing"...but...i guess i have to just trust the process...whatever that that what will be will be, and get on with my own stuff. I do need to look after myself, get healthy, and start to enjoy my life again.

did however agree to be accountable to each other, as

[this is just, in a nutshell, what transpired last night - there is more, but i am tired now and i have only had one cup of coffee and half a papya to eat, and i am getting hungry]...then i have to get to my little list of things to do, so that when my daughter phones i can say that i have honoured my committment to myself.]
*big sigh*

{{nameste all}}

p.s. note to self: "get a grip, pj!!"

Comments below photo of "ted"

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